Eve was created to help Adam SERVE God.
Adam and Eve brought God glory through their unified service to Him. Kingdom work was one of the purposes for their existence. This means, that having their heads stuck up each other’s rears to the detriment of the kingdom was NOT the purpose for their union.
Any time a dating relationship becomes exclusive, existing for a couple's own personal needs, and NOT for the work of the Kingdom, something has gone terribly wrong. God’s purpose for this relationship has been abandoned, and a new, selfish purpose has been created. When a couple decides that the only reason they exist is to spend time with each other, serve each other and love each other, forgetting about friends, about family, about loving others around them, about the church, about seeking out community, about seeking out older, wiser people to learn from, then that relationship has become all about themselves and not all about God's plan and His glory.
When I look back at our relationship prior to marriage, I see how this self-absorption followed us right into our marriage. It was many, many years before we realized our sin, confessed it to the Lord and begged Him to teach us HIS new, better way. We walked into marriage believing that all that mattered was us. We believed our marriage existed for us, our family belonged to us, our home belonged to us. We were so inwardly focused it made us selfish with our time, with our married time, with our family time. Our personal life was all that mattered. Oh, we would randomly practice hospitality, we would serve in the church if we had to, and we would share our life and our home on occasion, but truthfully, we were very selfish with our "us time" because we were being deceived into thinking that our relationship existed to serve and love ourselves, instead of serving and loving God.
This has been a constant area of growth for us, we're still so far from where we believe God is taking us, but one thing we know for sure is...we were so inwardly focused for many years of our marriage that we were practically useless to God as a family.God wants to use our relationships to paint a picture of God to a lost and dying world. He wants to use our relationships! He wants to use our marriages, our families and our homes for kingdom things! Yes, we have to spend time together as a couple, but there's no way for Aaron and I to ignore that for many years our family was a light, hidden under a bowl, only sharing light and beauty with us and ours.
So, if you are dating someone and the mission is NOT…how can we serve God better together…then the reason for your relationship is built on sinking sand. You have made a new purpose for your relationship and are living outside of God’s purpose for your relationship.
My job as a helper to Aaron is to help my husband SERVE God better. Aaron is called to love and serve the church. I hope I help him do that. Aaron is commanded by God to discipline and train our children to love and fear God…I hope I help Aaron do that. Aaron is commanded by God to teach and train younger men to love Jesus, to make disciples, to share the gospel, to care for the widow and the orphan...I hope I am helping Him do that.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
Eve was created to help Adam obey God.
Romans 1:5 says our obedience to God brings Him glory.
As women, we were created to HELP man obey God. Scripture is filled with these descriptions and images of believers sharpening one another, holding each other accountable, refining one another, and being mindful of not causing other people to stumble and sin with our freedoms. Are we our brother's keeper? I believe that question irritates God. Yes! We are! We are the family of God, called to deeply love and watch over one another.
Modesty
I’m not going to write as much about this as I want to, but I think as women, we need to realize that when we dress immodestly, we are living outside of God's purpose for us as women. One of the reasons why God thought us up in the first place was to help man obey God. When Christian men have said, over and over, "When I see a lot of your skin, it makes me struggle...it makes me sin," how can we justify wearing some of the clothing we wear when we're causing man to sin instead of helping him obey God? Sure, that shirt, or those pants, or those shorts may be permissible, but are they beneficial? Are they going to help men to obey God, or cause them to sin?
"But I like this shirt. These shorts are comfortable. It's hot. I don't see anything wrong with this. I feel fine when I wear this."
Do we need to apply the message of Phil. 2, here? Are we considering our need to wear that article of clothing more important than our brother's need to not sin? I'm praying that learning about relationships will change our hearts, but also change what's in our closets. God wants to use us to help men, not harm them.
I've heard Christian men say, "Lust is the area I struggle with more than any other area in my life" and yet, when we bring up modesty to women, something ugly and awful happens...women rear up, ready to attack, ready to defend their rights and their spaghetti straps. Why do we love our freedom to wear whatever we want more than we want to love and help men? Should it alarm us that this is man's greatest struggle, and yet it is women's greatest area of rebellion?
Colossians 1:28
We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ.
Luke 17:3
If your brother sins, rebuke him!
1 Thessalonians 5:14
And we earnestly beseech you, brethren, admonish (warn and seriously advise) those who are out of line [the loafers, the disorderly, and the unruly]...
Hebrews 3:13
But instead warn (admonish, urge, and encourage) one another every day, as long as it is called Today, that none of you may be hardened [into settled rebellion] by the deceitfulness of sin...
We are to call attention to each other’s sin in our relationships! Why? Because sin is the only thing that keeps us from fulfilling our purpose here on earth. Sin is what makes us misrepresent God to this world. Our sin of selfishness keeps us from serving God. When we sin, we are not loving or obeying God. This is NOT God’s plan or purpose for relationships.
God wants us to be free of sin SO THAT we can represent Him accurately because the gospel is the reason for everything we do! God wants to cleanse us and free us so he can USE US.
So, if our relationship is a license to sin, it does not exist for the glory of God.
Our goal as believers is supposed to be to present each other perfect to Christ. One day Aaron should be able to say to God, “Lord, here’s Heather…and she looks more like you because of my involvement in her life.”
I should be able to say the same thing about Aaron...about my children.
That means, at some point, we had to say to each other, "The reason for this relationship is to refine one another. I want you to hold me accountable."
I love marriage for that reason. Our goal in this home is to be honest with each other about sinful things we see in our lives. This is a safe place. It's home. We know we love each other. I would MUCH rather Aaron bring my sin to my attention than anyone else. Yes, it's hard to hear you're not pleasing the Lord. It's hard to hear those things from anyone, but it's WAY easier to hear it from Aaron. I don't want Aaron ever having to be rebuked by someone else because I didn't do my job. No one should have to bring something up in our lives that we've seen in each other and failed to address. I truly believe as a couple, we can refine one another in the most loving and gentlest of ways.
I've seen my children get in trouble by people who weren't their parents. They got in trouble for things I should have adequately addressed at home. My children were heart broken. They cried. They were so embarrassed. Home should be the primary place where sin is addressed. I felt horrible for not doing my job as well as I should have. As their parents, we can love them and teach them with gentleness, according to their individual personalities. We should be doing that in the lives of each other as husband and wife (or soon to be husbands and wives).
So, here are some questions...
Can your boyfriend say you look more like Jesus because of his involvement in your life?
Could YOU say that about your boyfriend one day? Does he look more like Jesus because of you, in his life, helping him to love and obey God better?
Do you see how knowing your purpose changes the way you think about men?
Do you see how knowing your purpose changes the way you approach a relationship? If the guy pursuing you (remember, you're not the pursuer) is not loving God, is not serving God already, and isn't obeying God, then how on earth are you going to help him do those things? Remember...your job is to help him do those things (which means, he's already doing them). Your job is NOT to make him do those things. That was God's job in Adam's life...not Eve's.
For guys, Aaron says knowing God's purpose for marriage changes the way you go about finding a wife. Scripture says he who FINDS a wife (which means HE was LOOKING for one) finds a good thing. The Proverbs 31 woman brings her husband GOOD all the days of his life. Are guys looking for girls who will help them love God, represent God well, serve God and obey God? Those qualities go far beyond what's on most men's list..."hot and a Christian." This lady should be loving God, bearing His image accurately, serving God and obeying Him.
One way men can help us on this one (the five who read my blog) is be honest about the modesty issue. Will you HELP us help you? Will you answer this question for us...(women, you can ask your husbands and let us know what they say)...men can even answer anonymously.
Can you answer this for us...
When girls wear (fill in the blank) it causes me to stumble.
Then, if our hearts are right, and truly desiring to live within God's wonderful, life giving purpose for our life, we'll listen...and we'll HELP you obey God instead of HELP you sin.
8 comments:
I am not a guy, but I realize more and more how important modesty is. And it is something I am trying to instill in my girls at even a young age. We are pretty laidback at home, but we have had a lot of discussions about what we wear in front of others. I have a hard time finding cute one piece bathing suits (not low cut in back or high cut on the thighs) for my 6 year old daughter! I do think they are getting the point...not long ago, we were watching a little t.v. and a woman in a low cut dress stepped out and my daughter asked why she was showing her "privates" to the world. So hopefully the message is getting there. I have to say I am a bit convicted reading these posts, though my thoughts and actions as a young adult are SO different from where I am now. The things I did then to get a guy's attention...my focus just wasn't where it was supposed to be!
Reba
When girls wear _________ it causes me to stumble.
Before I fill in the blanks I'll say that the answers I'm going to submit don't necessarily apply 100% of the time. They may only apply 1/5th (20%) of the time, but the problem is, you girls don't know when that 1/5th is and when the other 4/5ths is. When I'm really abiding in the Spirit and the Lord is giving me grace to flee temptation and the sexual immorality of lust, (or in the beloved Winter) these things are more or less non-issues. However, for the other times...
- Low-cut tops (trouble...)
- Spaghetti Straps (and not because I can see your shoulders, but because of item 1 above)
- Short shorts
- Ridiculously tight stuff (save socks and shoes)
And may I encourage the ladies who I've seen semi-regularly over the past few years in saying that they really do a great job at guarding their brothers in this, as I'm actually having a hard time thinking of a longer list of shady clothing items.
I've enjoyed your series! Thanks for sharing!!
Now, my man and I need a renewal getaway for anniversary! Please see my post and offer ideas on where to go! Thanks!
Keep running!!
Becky
Heather, I don't know if you've seen this, but it seems like it would be helpful in this discussion, and in alot of the teaching that you. http://www.therebelution.com/modestysurvey/
This site did a very large survey over what caused men to stumble, you might want to look at it! Blessings!
Hey Heather--
I know at Her Hands last night we had a great discussion about modesty, and with summer pretty much here I wanted to throw out some ways to cover up without looking like a quaker or a mennonite.
Being a wakeboarder, I've been introduced to the beauty of the rash guard and boardshorts. Rash guard, you say? That makes me think of rash cream, which in turn leads me to diapers. WRONG! Rash guards are thin tops made for the water that surfers wear to keep them from getting rashes on their stomach while paddling to catch a wave.
MUCH cooler. And we can always use a little bit of cool in Texas. ;)
This link has a page full of men's and women's rash guards, plus links to other swim stuff like boardshorts!
http://www.killerdana.com/killerdana/search2.asp?s_id=0&search_freetext=Rashguards
I personally prefer a company called 1080 that makes some great boardshorts for the ladies:
http://www.ten-80.com/
Hope that helps!
Jessica
I agree with DO, but also sometimes WHERE you wear something has as much to do with WHAT you are wearing. For example, girls you know those nike running shorts that EVERY ONE OF YOU OWN? Yea those, don't wear those to HOPE group or church activities, or for anything other than...RUNNING! Cuz that's what they were made for. Now I'm sorry if you went out and bought 2343456 pairs of them because it was the latest fashion trend, but it's not helpful, especially when you sit down and guys are just having to avert their eyes all over the place!
The deal with bathing suits, I mean they don't have to be one piece to be modest, and let's be honest, we as guys need to exercise a little self-control in this thing too. But, if your swimsuit has less fabric than underwear you would wear UNDER clothes, don't you think that's a problem? You don't go around wearing underwear, even though it would probably be less revealing. Just be smart on this one.
Gauchos - I may be one of a very small group of guys that think that these things are inappropriate, but girls, look at your butt next time you are wearing these things, yes they are baggy, except all over your butt.
That's all I got now...
-Josh
Aaron says that anything that shows ANY skin part of a girls boobies is terribly hard.
He also told me Mark Driscoll said, "All men are boob men, or they are lying." Or something like that.
We had a great discussion about this last night over dinner with Aaron and one other older, married guy.
I specifically asked them about tank tops, since that question was asked last night in class.
Someone said, "Is wearing tank tops okay?" I didn't know the answer to that, since this isn't about rules, it's about asking our brothers in Christ how we can be helpful in their desire for holiness.
So, I asked those two gentlemen last night.
They both agreed, the problem with tank tops is that they are usually low cut, and they are usually tight. Anything that "features" a woman's booby area, is hard to deal with, they both agreed.
At the table, we also had me (not offering much in the upstairs area) and a friend of mine (who I'm jealous of her upstairs area). We all agreed that some clothes, sadly are not modest on some women due to their booby area, but for other women, they might be fine.
Yes, it is harder for "more gifted" women in the upstairs department to be modest, but it still must be a priority!
God says to be modest (1 Timothy 2:15 NLT).
Of course, they said short shorts or skirts are hard, and especially if girls are trying to accentuate those things with tall boots, etc.
So...Aaron says, if any of a woman's boobs are showing, that's a no brainer...it's rough and it is not being helpful at all to men.
I think we just have to be WISE about this as women. We're not as stupid as we act about this topic.
We know what we're trying to show off, because we buy clothes to highlight our favorite areas of our body.
This can't be about rules, or it's pointless. This is about learning to love our brothers, and protect them, spurring them on, encouraging them, and HELPING them obey God.
Yes, it might mean giving up some of our "rights". Yes, I think men's fascination with boobs is stupid. But...the fascination remains. So, I want to consider their need to be holy more than my need to hang onto that cute shirt, or those cute shorts.
Heather
When girls wear _________ it causes me to stumble.
Tank tops
Short shorts/skirt
2 piece swim suits
tight shirts
tight pants/skirt (you can usually tell what kind of underwear a girl is wearing if the pants/skirt are tight enough)
One thing that slips by a lot of girls are shirts that are covering, and jeans/shorts that are covering, but when the lady bends over, sits down, rides a bike, they show a bit more than would normally be seen (underwear and sometimes a butt crack). This is a huge reason why tank tops/spaghetti straps are horrible, a girl who bends over shows a LOT more cleavage than when she is standing.
I agree rules are not going to help, but I think this concept will help illustrate the point. Dont show anything you arent comfortable with a non-husband touching, cause if a guy can see it, he can mentally touch it. And to go along with certain positions produce less modesty than others wearing the same clothes, you shouldnt allow anything to be seen while in any position. And it isnt just a rare occurrence. Just think about how a girl can expose more than she intended by sitting in a seat in a classroom, and bending over to get her books out of her bag. She is going to do the exact same thing when she gets up to leave, and any opportunistic guy could take advantage of that, or any struggling guy who has spent the whole class time fighting the lustful thoughts from when she sat down.
I mean, this is an extension of the idea, but even if there is not a Christian brother struggling with a girl's immodesty, there is a non-Christian guy enjoying it, taking it further in his mind if he wants. The gross-factor on that ought to drive Christian girls away from immodest clothing.
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