This semester, I hope to post here, on our family blog, some things we are talking about in Her Hands each week.

One of my favorite things about teaching this class, is taking time, every year hearing again, God's heart for me as a woman.

It's good for me, once a year, to spend a few months thanking God for His grace and for the gospel as it relates to my life as a wife and mother.

God's grace, and the gospel are good things to think about every day, but I have found it very healthy, therapeutic and productive for me to think of those things in relation to my family, and how what God has done in me and the fruit He has grown in my life specifically affects the people living in my home, and generations of homes yet to come.

God has truly rescued me from darkness. He really has changed me. I'm not the same person I was prior to coming to know the Lord. I still have so far to go (and the longer I'm saved, the longer the road from me to perfection looks), but what God has already done is miraculous, and I'm so very thankful.

What He has done in my life also means so much for Aaron, Anson, Hayden, Ashton and Hudson.
Apart from the Lord, Aaron's wife would be terribly scary, and probably not his wife anymore. Anson and Hayden would have been raised by an angry, bitter, selfish, single mother. Ashton would have never been born. Hudson would have never been a Hendrick.

God is good.

I am forever grateful.

I know the idea of salvation is vast. It can be controversial.

People get their panties in all sorts of wads about it.

I'm certainly not claiming to be an expert on the ins and outs of this subject.

But the main ideas, I've found in scripture are these...

It's easy to know if you're a believer or not.

It's not easy to admit...but it's easy to know.

I went a long time, claiming to be a believer, when nothing...and I mean nothing, about my life proved that claim to be true.

There was no fruit.

Not one of the fruits of the Spirit would have been an adjective to describe me.

No one would have ever said I was loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle or self-controlled.

I knew I was none of those things. I saw no evidence of those fruits in my life.

When the Bible says, those who love God, obey Him, when I was honest...I knew that wasn't true for me.

I didn't even care to obey God. I honestly didn't really care what He had to say about things.

I wanted to be a good person. I wanted some people to like me (only some), but I didn't care what the Bible said.

I was angry all the time.

I had no joy.

I was divisive and caused problems, constantly.

I was mean.

I loved conflict.

My love for others was contingent on many, many things.

I actually hardly liked people at all.

I could only convince myself I was saved if I ignored the Bible.

And then...one day...because God is gracious...I looked at the Bible, and all the simple examples it gives to know whether or not we belong to God and I couldn't deny it anymore.

I was lost.

Those simple examples like...an orange tree can't produce apples. Good trees produce good fruit. Bad trees don't. This isn't rocket science.

I had no fruit. There was no denying that.

Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks?

Based on what came out of my mouth all day, every day, I could only draw one conclusion...

My heart was wicked, dark and in need, desperately of the Lord.

Here's a great video I love. Aaron made it using our Pastor's wife's testimony.

She too was deceived into thinking she belonged to God.



At one point, I would have read verses about salvation and gotten a little uncomfortable.

I would have maybe even gotten a little irked.

The difference today is, I can read verses like this, and although I know I HAVE SO FAR TO GO...I can clearly see how far God has brought me. He has changed me. He is changing me. He has grown me. He is growing me. I can praise Him now...watch Michele's testimony and say, "Thank you, God. Thank you for what you've done. Thank you that even on the hard days, on the days when I feel like I blow it all day long, when I was ugly and awful...my worst days now would have been unreachable when I was lost. Thank you that even on the yuck days, I feel you camping on my soul."

Maybe the Lord is speaking to you.

Maybe you feel all weird inside.

Maybe a little defensive.

Don't ignore Him.

Maybe you don't need to be saved.

Maybe you do.

But it's always okay to go to the Lord, after reading His Word, asking Him to search our hearts.

Are they right with Him?

If not...there's no reason they can't be.

I might die...really...I'm not joking

I still don't have internet.

This has gone from a little annoying to possibly life threatening...it might even ruin my marriage. Aaron, the man who never gets mad, is officially sick and tired of hearing me whine about the internet.

When I first found out I wouldn't have internet for a month, I secretly wondered if I would learn some huge lesson this week.

Would my first post "back" be about how maybe I shouldn't love the internet so much?

Would I realize the internet was taking up too much of my time?

I wondered those things.

I don't wonder them anymore.

The answer to those questions for me is...

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Not having the internet has caused me to be ridiculously productive. Too productive. My entire house is unpacked and every single room is decorated. I've had lots of help, but I've also not slept or sat down.

I've decided the internet is a worthy love. For me, it's a time saver, not a time suck. Who has time to look things up in real life books? Who has time to find their cordless phone? Who has time for that nonsense?

I've also decided that there is something terribly wrong with Verizon.

How can they NOT know that people need the internet? They sell it. They should know it's valuable.

I would have rather had internet this week than running water.

I would have rather had internet this week than maybe even electricity.

I could write a stand up routine right now about Verizon.

Do you know what the message says that plays as you are waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting to talk to someone and tell them that you're going to die if they don't take their little finger and push some sort of button somewhere that makes three green lights light up on your router?

The message says...

"Go online to get all your telephone and internet questions answered."

Cruel.

That's cruel and stupid.

So one day...one day....

I will get back on this thing and heaven help us all...there are a WEEK's worth of posts stuck inside my brain waiting to pour out all over my computer screen.

I will get my Her Hands class organized

We'll have a reading schedule.

I'll get you your mentors.

I'll remind everyone about the Man Event coming up.

We'll talk about our hair fixing parties.

I'll write up what God's teaching me this semester as I'm supposed to be teaching my college girls.

I miss you internet.

And I miss my internet life.

I miss my readers.

I miss my emails.

I miss reading blogs.

If anything important has happened, you need to call me.

I don't miss Facebook. It still kind of freaks me out.

But I miss all those other things.

One day...we'll be together...say it, say it, say it, say it again....One day...we'll be together.

I'm singing that. You can sing it with me.

Still no internet...but I have books

Well....

The good news is...if you live in this town, the books for class are ready.

You can pick them up on campus at the MSC Print and Copy. This place is located in the second floor breezeway between Rudder and the MSC. This place is open from 8-6 Monday through Friday.

The books are $10.79.

For about a month, if you live here and you want one, you can go pick one up.

If you aren't a student, you can park in the free, 15 minute parking in front of the MSC while you go grab a book. If you aren't in college, you could also get a student to get your book for you since I'll be the first to admit...I'm too scared to drive on campus. I have no idea what I'm doing.

The bad news is...

They did a really doofwad job of printing them (no fault of Ricci's my wonderful book printing assistant. Thank you Ricci!)

Really.

If I didn't love Jesus so much, and the MSC Print and Copy employees had not just printed 40 books all about how wise women are loving and gentle...let's just say all hell would be breaking loose in that place. The old, evil Heather would be making a debut.

I would sell tickets.

You'd get quite a show.

I'm sad to say, the old Heather was a "Can I speak to the manager" kind of girl.

I always won, no matter who was left shaking and in tears.

That's not me anymore, and one way I know that's true is the first 40 people who pick up their book will have all the text, but it will look down right dumb.

Sorry.

The new Heather made do with giving Aaron and Crystal an EAR full about printing places.

The new Heather would also SPLOTCH right up if she even felt a confrontation coming on with a manager of a copy place. I'd look like I had leprosy, and instead of holding my own, and making the manager cry, I'd be the one crying. Jesus changed me!

The better news is...

This is the LAST year we will print them at a copy place. Very soon, the books will be available online...nice pretty books that will have text large enough to read and a lovely shiney cover.

Can't wait.

Nevermore ... until Thursday

This is Edgar Allen Poe.

He looks unhappy.

Probably because he didn't have internet access and couldn't check his blog or his email.

So deep was his depression over his lack of web access that he wrote scary poems and stories.

His works are so dark and macabre, that over 150 years later they are just as disturbing as ever.

We feel like Edgar looks ... because we don't have any internet access right now.

That's what happens when you move.

And it leaves you in a sad and scary place.

Alone.

Bored.

Unaware of the happenings around you.

Sometimes you start to think that birds are talking to you.

On January 29, 1845, Edgar wrote his famous poem "The Raven."

On that date ... 164 years later ... we will have internet access again.

And we will finally be free from the dreary isolation in which Poe was forced to live.

Books for Kids

I'll straight up say it...

If your kid loves to read, it can be hard to walk into the library and blindly trust that the book they pulled off the shelf is actually "good..." and I don't mean "good" as in the book is filled with a bunch of literary wonder. I mean "good" as in it's not filled with boobs and demons. Anson is nine. I think those things can wait.

As a kid, I learned things I should not have been learning from books I should not have been reading.

As I find books that are great to read, that Anson loves, I will share them.

So far this year, he has loved the City of Ember series. Even I couldn't put the first book down.

We've read Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, the BFG, James and the Giant Peach, the Twits, Fantastic Mr. Fox, Esio Trot, and Matilda. He's kind of on a Roald Dahl kick these days.

Want to know my favorite thing Anson has said this year?

After he reads a book that has been made into a movie, we rent the movie.

It makes my heart flutter to hear him say, with disgust..."Books are way better than the movies. The movies leave all the good stuff out."

Amen.

Who's Feelin' It?

What Would YOU do Wednesday

Remember those?

If you don't know what the "What Would YOU dos" are, read here.

If you want to catch up on the What Would You dos", here's a link to all the other topics we've covered so far.
There are about a bajillion friends of mine who are pregnant and a whole bunch of those friends are pregnant with their first babies.

Okay...maybe I'm exaggerating.

Maybe there are five less than a bajillion friends of mine who are pregnant.

As first time parents, we made many huge mistakes.

I feel so sorry for Anson.

If I were in charge of things, there would be a "Do Over Fairy."

I mean, come on...we all need to admit that if we're going to have fairies, wasting one on teeth is dumb.

Imagine the scene...

A mother is sitting in her home crying, at her wits end, realizing that what she thought was a harmless behavior she was allowing in her child has now grown into the most awful, ugly issue ever. She's sad. She's broken. She's wondering if she will ever get this right. She's wondering how on earth she's ever going to fix something so bad and broken.

Enter the "Do over fairy."

She dances in, wearing sparkly clothes, and talking like Gylnda the Good Witch.

She lifts up the mothers tear stained face and says, "Don't cry my dear. Didn't anyone tell you? Your first baby doesn't count! With a wave of my magical, shiny wand, I will erase all the goofiness you have done."

Then she waves her wand, and pretty pink dust, that doesn't have to be dusted later, fills the room and wha-la...

That sad mother's child suddenly does exactly what the mother asked without arguing, complaining, fit throwing, or doing that thing where their head turns round in full circles.

Unfortunately, the do over fairy does not exist.

So, as soon as our other children came along, there were several things we changed.

Really.

In certain areas, our parenting of the children that came after Anson looked NOTHING like how we parented our firstborn.

Some of those things were issues that just made life easier, better and far less stressful.

Some of those things were areas where we were deeply convicted as a couple. We knew we had completely ignored what God had to say about some of the behaviors and heart issues we were allowing in our child. The result was disastrous. Should we have expected anything less than disaster? I mean really...God predicts what our lives will look like when we tell Him to shush it, turn Him down and turn the weirdos on TV up.

So I was thinking...

Maybe it would be great if some of us older moms (doesn't it straight up stink to all of a sudden be an "older mom?") would share some of our firstborn blunders.

What are some of the things you changed when your next babies were born?

Remember...some of the things we do in our homes don't have to look the same. As long as our hearts are pure, and we're not allowing or condoning or excusing sin in our own lives, or the lives of our children, then it's okay if we do things differently. That's the whole beauty of the method/principle issue. But, the Bible also gives some value to listening to people older and wiser, so I'm still a little leery when I hear young moms say things like, "Don't listen to anyone, just do what you think is best." I had that attitude, and now can add "thinking I knew more than older moms" to my long list of things I wish I could go back and change about myself.

I know our homes don't have to look the same, but looking back, I can say with 100% complete honesty that almost everything that older moms in my life, with homes I respected, warned me about (and I ignored) caused Aaron and I to suffer greatly (and caused Anson to as well.)

So...let's be wise, let's listen...and then in the least, consider and pray about what others have learned through costly experiences.

Let's hear it older moms. What are some things you did or didn't do with your firstborn that drastically changed when you had other children?

Who knows...maybe we can save some of these new mommies some headaches.

Google Fans

Driving along

peacefully

in the car

Out of nowhere Ashton says...

"Mom, when we get home, can you type this into the computer? How big is God?"

I clarified...

"You want me to google, "How big is God?"

"Yes," Ashton said. "Cause I really want to know."

Aaron and I sighed.

Daddy said,

reluctantly...

"Not even google knows the answer to that question."

I reached over and rubbed Aaron's arm.

I know how hard it was for him to say those words.

The whole car was in a state of quiet shock.

Until You, I Never Knew

"Before we adopted Hudson, I didn't even know what being adopted meant."

Hayden made this profound statement this morning.

I responded, "Me neither."

Adoption has taught me so much about myself and even more about the Lord.

Ephesians 1:4-6
For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.

Romans 8:15
For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."

On the days when I feel like a failure...

like I'll never get it right

like I should have known better...

On the days when I feel unlovely

unloving

unlovable

On the days when I want to run away

give up

disconnect

hide in shame

quit

I remember

I can't.

Adoption is forever, I'm tattooed on God's hand, on His heart, in His plan.

I was chosen.

I was rescued.

I am loved.

Not because of the things I've done

or do

or don't do.

What I do has nothing to do with what God has already done.

All the delight, enjoyment and pleasure that Hudson brings to me, God feels for me to an even greater extent.

Mind boggling.

and yet

comforting in a way I never knew or understood before adopting.

So on the days I feel like I'm never going to measure up...

I remember I already belong.

I've been given a place.

a spot

that was always mine

from the beginning of time

a place

that can't be erased

or given to someone else.

I've been called daughter.

My name has been changed in a way that's legally binding.

And nothing...

not one thing

that I could do

or think

could change how God sees me or change that I am His.

"Before we adopted Hudson, I didn't even know what being adopted meant."

Attention Mentors and Her Hand Girlies...

I've posted some class information here about books and mentoring.

Tell your friends.

I'm pretty sure we've reached 55 girls and are full.

One of my favs

This recipe is inspired by Jenn's chicken pot pie recipe. I'm making it right now, so I thought I would share it.

Jenn's is very good, but uses butternut squash instead of regular old summer squash. Butternut squash is yum, and I'm a huge fan...however, it takes man arms to cut it. Have you ever tried to cut a butternut squash? It makes me cuss.

I've changed some ingredients since Aaron is rarely home while I'm cooking dinner, and I shouldn't yell out obscenities at produce (besides being wrong, what a WASTE of an obscenity. If I'm going to cuss, it's going to be at my mean neighbor, not at a squash.)

4-6 chicken tenders
fresh carrots cut up
frozen broccoli florets
frozen peas
fresh summer squash (the yellow kind)
whipping cream
sour cream
grated cheddar cheese
enough frozen pie crusts to make two pies (tops and bottoms)
salt, pepper, onion powder

Boil chicken tenders until soft (I throw them in frozen, then when they are soft, I cut them up and cook them until they are done). Add cut up carrots. Cook until almost done. Add frozen broccoli, peas and squash. Cook just until soft. Everything should be completely cooked, but not super soggy or anything. I can't STAND it if the vegetables are crunchy at all in my pot pie, but don't want mush either.

Remove from heat. Strain. Put back into the pan. Stir in about 2-3 big heaping spoons of sour cream. Add enough whipping cream to make the mixture creamy...not too watery...just really creamy. Season mixture well with salt, pepper (it's really good with lots of pepper) and onion powder. You can use real onions and cook them with all the other vegetables, but I just use onion powder.

Pour half of mixture in one pie crust, half in the other.

Now here's the deal...Jenn makes her pie crusts all beautiful and what not. She even cuts out leaves and puts them on top. She's just amazing that way. She is a super cook who loves making dinner and making her dinners pretty. That's SO NOT ME. Thinking of myself cutting out leaves to go on a pot pie makes me laugh. My pot pies look like someone ran over them. They are delicious, but look dumb. I don't even care enough to try and figure out how to make them look nicer.

I'll admit...when you eat here in Hendrickville, there will always be WAY more food than anyone needs, (I hope it's delicious)...but the presentation will always be lacking. I might make you eat out of skillets on the stove, and unless it's Christmas, you'll be eating on paper plates. Oh...and, don't come to my house if you're on a diet. We're low on processed foods around here, don't really do the high fructose corn syrup thing...but I use whipping cream A LOT.

Put all the junk in the pies, put the top pie crust on, squish the edges, then place in the oven on 350 and cook just until the crust is nice and brown a little. Jenn has a pie halo. It's cool. I don't have one. I didn't even know what one was until I met Jenn. So if I notice the edges getting too done before the inside, I just take it out, tear strips of foil and pretty much lay them around the edges so the inside can get more done while the edges are left alone.

Take out, and once you have it in bowls, add a handful of shredded cheddar cheese. Enjoy!

I figured it out!

As I'm packing boxes today, I'm getting SO excited.

Why?

"Why am I so excited," I asked myself.

Myself answered...

Because I love decorating new spots.

Love it.

I have been mentally putting my furniture in my new home, choosing paint colors and figuring out how to best organize this new place to make life run smoothly and efficiently.

I thrive on creative looks and ORGANIZATION.

It might be deranged, but it's true...I LOVE thinking of all the possibilities, and then getting a new canvas (I know...a house is a pretty large canvas) to make all my daydreams come to life.

Before we ever move, I already know EXACTLY where everything will go...down to the most unimportant items.

Yes...that's a lot of sleep lost.

But I don't care!

Moving in my mind invigorates me. It exhausts me too. It makes me walk around all day long in a creative fog...having a decorating party in my head. My kids think I'm making them a sandwich. Oh no...I'm actually moving the blue wardrobe from the living room (where I originally put it) to the school room because in the living room it would be too close to the blue bench and the blues would fight with each other and say dirty words to one another.

So I was thinking today...maybe it would be a lot nicer to my husband if I quit moving and instead, took my decorating and painting insanity out on my friends.

I'm just warning you.

Aaron has put his foot down and declared that I'll have to move without him if I ever even suggest moving again. He's my favorite thing to take with me from home to home, so I guess he wins.

Which means, in about two years, I will have exhausted all the possibilities in my new home...I will need a new home to lose sleep over.

I hope one of you will let me borrow yours. Or, just know...if I come over, and then leave and you notice one of your kid's bedrooms has been completely reconfigured...or one wall is painted...it was me.

It's just...I will need a new space...a new outlet...a new room shape.

I apologize ahead of time.

Sewing

The topic of sewing has come up so often lately!

SEW...on Saturday, March 7 I am teaching some friends how to sew.

They have all been warned...I'm pretty mediocre. Although I took a couple sewing classes while I was in college, I only use my sewing skills to make baby blankets and burp rags for friends...and I never ever buy curtains. That's pretty much all I sew.

SEW...I was thinking...

There are more ladies than I can fit in my dining room who want to learn to sew. My group is a good size already.

But, there are other women who also can sew, who I KNOW would probably love to have a small group of women (4-5) over at their house to learn the basics of sewing as well. Kendra? Ashley K? Liz? Emily W?

If you can sew and wouldn't mind sharing your skills, let me know! I'll send some girlies your way.

If you want to learn to sew...let me know and we'll get you in a group.

I thought it would be fun to all be learning to sew on the same Saturday...just different locations. Then, we can take pictures and all share what we made. So fun!

My group will be learning to make blankets and burp rags...that's it.

Want to teach some ladies some sewing basics? Let me know!

We need to organize this event early enough for the ladies to save the date, get their fabric purchased, washed and ironed...as well as give them time to try and borrow a sewing machine from someone (ask your mom, or your grandma, or an aunt.)

Who's in?

*I'm in the process of scheduling two hair events in February...curly hair night (how to make your hair curly, what products to use, how to curl your hair with the chi, and how to pin your hair in supernatural ways) and straight hair night (how to poof up your hair and make swoopy bangs, as well as pile your hair on the top of your head in a big cool mess.) Once the details are set in stone, I'll give you the details.

Here Comes the Bride

I just got done explaining to Ashton (for the millionth time) why he can't marry KK.

"Why can't I marry KK?" is a constant question I get from Ashton.

He loves his cousin.

It's awfully hard to explain WHY he can't marry KK.

All I've come up with is, "Usually people don't marry people in their families...at least in our state."

"But I want to marry KK."

That reason does not matter to him.

So, I've tried the whole, "You don't want to marry KK or your kids might be born with two heads and think two plus two is twelve."

He doesn't care about that either.

He keeps saying, "But I love her and she's my favorite girl to play with."

Today I told him that one day, God would provide him a wife. I even threw out some ideas of some girls I think he should marry. Hey...while he's asking his mother about this, I'm SO throwing in my two cents. The girls I suggested are all a lot younger than he is, so he seemed sicked out about it a little. I kept trying to explain to him that girls like Sadie, McKlayne, Riley, Taylor Joy and Autumn will grow up one day. They won't be babies forever.

At one point, our conversation went like this...

"What about McKlayne? Don't you think that Mrs. Kirby will raise McKlayne to be a woman who loves the Lord, who love her husband and loves her babies?"

"Yes," he said, not nearly as excited as I was.

I could tell he was still not over KK.

So I said, "And do you think Mrs. Kirby is pretty beautiful?"

He's so smart.

After sitting there thinking for just a few seconds he said, "I will marry McKlayne."

I rolled my eyes...stinkin men.

Little does Ashton know...I already asked Kirby for McKlayne's hand in marriage (for Ashton) at McKlayne's baby shower. We have it in writing.

Which means Kirby and I will get to fight over wedding details one day. How awesome will that be?

I Feel Like a New Person!

Just when you think your heart is already overflowing with love and adoration of your baby.

Just when you think you can't possibly love your little punkin' any more...



They start sleeping through the night...and suddenly you realize...wow...they are even more wonderful than you thought they were just a few weeks ago.

Ha!

Our Hero

In December we met with Hudson's birth family.

His birth mom, birth grandmother and birth uncle came to the visit.

I was overcome by how selfless birth moms are.

Although placing Hudson in our home was the hardest thing "J" will ever do, when we met her she said she wanted him in a home with a mom and a dad. She wanted him to be home with his mother instead of raised in day care. She wanted him to have a stable life.

That's awfully mature for such a young woman.

And to think...there was a time when I thought poorly of birth moms.

I couldn't imagine what would make someone "give their baby away."

Love.

Hudson's birth mom loves him.

She did not give him away. She considered his needs for stability, love, provision and two parents OVER her own strong need to keep him with her.

Beautiful.

Although it would have felt good to her to keep him with her, she knew she could not provide the home for him that she wanted him to have.

When I'm holding Hudson I hate thinking of how his life could have been if it were not for the love of his birth mom.

She could have killed him in the womb.

(oh, the tears are coming)

She could have tried to raise him as a young, single mother. Most of us have no idea what that's like. We have no idea what these women are dealing with in their life trying to survive and get an education...and yet we sit in our pretty little houses with our husbands at work, with our huge support systems of family and friends...and judge women who don't have what we have. We need to stop that.

We are forever indebted for "J's" selfless decision to place Hudson in our arms.

If she hadn't, Hudson would not have Aaron as his dad.

He wouldn't have stability.

He would be raised all day in a daycare.

He would not be the same child.

How selfless of "J" to love him so much, that she wanted a different life for him than she could provide right now as a single, young mom.

That's love.

At the meeting she and her mom asked me...a little worried..."Are you going to go back to work any time soon?"

No...I'm not I told her.

"Good. I love that you are home with him," she said.

Love.

So much love for him!

At one point during the meeting "J" was asked, "So...how do you feel seeing him now?"

She said..."Everything feels so right...so stable...no, that's not the right way to say it...everything feels exactly the way it should be...exactly the way I wanted it to be for him."

Praise God for birth moms.

May we rise up and call them blessed!

I know we're going to raise Hudson to always honor her.

She's a hero.

A loving, beautiful hero.

Praying for my Boys

I remember my mother's prayers and they have always
followed me. They have clung to me all my life.
--Abraham Lincoln

In November, I began a "read through the Bible" plan. I remember the first time I read through the Bible. Anson had just been born. God's Word is powerful. That's really all I can say. I guess, until that point in my life, I really would say my walk with the Lord was filled with more doubt than faith. Something in me changed after reading through the entire Bible. I realized that God's plan is gigantic. Although He cares for me individually, my salvation is part of a huge agenda God has to redeem this world from the grips of death. Until reading through the Bible I thought that God existed for me...to help me...to heal me...to make my life better. That's kind of true. He can do all those things. He has done those things in my life, but not "for" me. Instead...He's done all that for HIS glory alone.

After reading through the entire Bible, my vision of God was broadened. It was bigger. There's no way I could argue away the sovereignty or accuracy of God after reading the whole Bible. EVERY thing He said would come true...came true. Every prediction about Himself He has proven faithful throughout history and in my tiny life. Every prediction about myself...of who I am apart from Him, of how life will go when I try to do things on my own He's also proven true. All that to say...if you have never read through the entire Bible, I highly recommend it. I can point back to several markers in my life that have shaped who I am. That time when I read through the entire Bible is one of those distinct places in my history where mountains of change, healing and growth occurred.

I've now read through the Bible several times, doing it differently every time...sometimes super fast, looking for broad themes and ideas. Other times, VERY slow.

I always feel like I have to pause and say something like this when I talk about reading God's Word...

I feel like there is this weird idea out there that women should not be expected to actually be students of the Word...that it's okay to make a million excuses for not reading the Bible.

I need to make something super clear...

I will never help anyone make any excuses for not looking to the Word of God for answers, healing and growth. It's powerful. It's effective. If you really love me, don't ever let me make an excuse for not cherishing God's Word.

Apart from it, I know what an idiot I can be. There is no hope apart from knowing God's heart. I would have no hope of knowing how to do anything right if it weren't for the Lord and what He has to say about things. My mind was broken and sick before coming to know the Lord and wanting to know what He has to say through His Word.

We will be fools if we don't know the Word of God and have hearts that love it and are asking God to help us live it.

Fools destroy their homes, have death to look forward to and pass on their sin to their children.

We need to know the Lord...and knowing His Word is one way we do that.

It's more important than sleep, than busy schedules, than having our kids in soccer, than having a clean kitchen.

If you are having a hard time "feeling like" reading the Bible, or "feel like" you're not getting anything out of it...read this.

When God is talking about weak minded women in scripture...He's not complementing them. We need to know His Word! How good and gracious of the Lord to give us so much life, so much wisdom, so much of who He is through His Word! How silly of us not to think His Word is important.

2 Timothy 3:6-7
For among them are those who worm their way into homes and captivate silly and weak-natured and spiritually dwarfed women, loaded down with [the burden of their] sins [and easily] swayed and led away by various evil desires and seductive impulses.These weak women will listen to anybody who will teach them; they are forever inquiring and getting information, but are never able to arrive at a recognition and knowledge of the Truth.

Okay...I'll stop. If you haven't read your Bible today, quit reading blogs. "They are forever inquiring and getting information but are never able to arrive at a recognition and knowledge of the Truth." Maybe God knew that one day, we'd waste our time watching Oprah and reading blogs instead of wanting to hear the very words of LIFE He offers us through His Word. Thankfully God is slow to anger, or He would have fried me up a long time ago for placing my trust, my future, my marriage and my children's future in myself (that's dumb, I know me...and I'm a joke). When I wasn't looking to myself, I was looking to perfect strangers who are not perfect instead of looking to the perfect Word of God. What was I thinking?

If reading through the Bible is something you are interested in there are also some great study helps to use if the big picture and history part of the Bible is new to you.

This time, as I'm reading through the Bible, I've had some specific goals.

I want the Lord to show me more of His character.

The other thing I'm asking the Lord to show me are verses I can pray over my sons. I want to grow in prayer this year too, and I want to know how to pray for my children.

As I find these verses that God has impressed upon my heart to pray over my boys, I want to share them here.

Here are two that jumped out at me and touched me. I want to hide them in my heart, and pray them over my sons as I think of them throughout the day. I so desire to see my boys have hearts like these verses describe.

Deuteronomy 5:27-29

The people, talking to Moses say...

"Go yourself and listen to what the Lord our God says. Then come and tell us everything he tells you, and we will listen and obey.’"

Moses replies...

“The Lord heard the request you made to me. And he said, ‘I have heard what the people said to you, and they are right. Oh, that they would always have hearts like this, that they might fear me and obey all my commands! If they did, they and their descendants would prosper forever.

Deuteronomy 10:12
“And now, Israel, what does the Lord your God require of you? He requires only that you fear the Lord your God, and live in a way that pleases him, and love him and serve him with all your heart and soul.

Let's Be Beautiful

Excerpt below taken from this super book:

Mrs.Twit

Mrs. Twit was no better than her husband.

She did not, of course have a hairy face. It was a pity she didn't because that, at any rate, would have hidden some of her fearful ugliness.

Take a look at her.

Have you ever seen a woman with an uglier face than that? I doubt it.

But the funny thing is that Mrs. Twit wasn't born ugly. She had quite a nice face when she was young. The ugliness had grown upon her year by year as she got older.

Why would that happen? I'll tell you why.

If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until it gets so ugly you can hardly bear to look at it.

A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.


Reminds me of...

1 Peter 3:3-6
Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They trusted God and accepted the authority of their husbands. For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do.

Luke 6:45

The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.

Colossians 3:2-3
Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.

Philippians 4:8

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Psalm 19:8
The precepts of the LORD are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the LORD are radiant, giving light to the eyes.

Psalm 34:5
Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.

Proverbs 15:13
A glad heart makes a cheerful countenance.

Which means, in some ways, when God changes our hearts, He changes our face.

Which may also explain why some of the women in my life seem to get more and more beautiful the older they get.

Glad to know we can put our hope in the Lord, and not in Oil of Olay.

Sad but WHEW...FUNNY!

Report: Many U.S. Parents Outsourcing Child Care Overseas

Better Than Magic Eraser

Someone at church this weekend said something like..."We use things that work."

It's true.

When one of my children writes on the wall, I can whip out a Magic Eraser faster than you can say, "Oh crap."

The Magic Eraser has saved my life a million times.

I've told my kids, "You owe your life to Jesus and to the Magic Eraser."

That white rectangle has maybe saved their lives, but definitely saved their rears more times than they can count.

We use what works.

We get excited about something that does what it says it will do.

Right now, if there was a need for it, I would travel the country on behalf of the epidural and speak of its powers.

I played cards while delivering a baby. The epidural worked. I loved it.

We use what works and we get excited about it. All of us do.

James 5:16
The prayers of the righteous are powerful and effective.

Prayer.

God says it works.

What an idiot I am for not using it more.

I have been given the perfect tool...the ability to speak to God who has the power to move time and space, to change the hearts of kings, to soften hardened hearts...and I don't.

Idiot.

That's what I am.

“Life is war. That’s not all it is. But it is always that. Our weakness in prayer is owing largely to our neglect of this truth. Prayer is primarily a wartime walkie-talkie for the mission of the church as it advance against the powers of darkness and unbelief. It is not surprising that prayer malfunctions when we try to make it a domestic intercom to call upstairs for more comforts in the den. God has given us prayer as a wartime walkie-talkie so that we can call headquarters for everything we need as the kingdom of Christ advances in the world. Prayer gives us the significance of front-line forces, and gives God the glory of a limitless Provider. The one who gives the power gets the glory.”
--John Piper

I am in a war.

It looks like a house, a life, an existence.

It isn't.

A war...a battle for the souls of the children in our home...for the hearts of my lost family members...a battle for marriages...for futures of people I love...a BATTLE is going on right now and I don't have to just sit here and wonder what to do about it.

I can pray.

2 Corinthians 10:3-4
For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.

I sat in church yesterday so encouraged by Allen's message and thought..."What is wrong with me?"

Here I am lately thinking through so many areas of my life foolishly wondering, "What am I going to do?"

What am I going to do?

Whew! That's slap your leg and laugh kind of funny.

What am I going to do?

As if I can do anything.

I've met me. I know what I'm capable of...all things ridiculous.

So what am I going to do?

I'm going to pray.

I came home from church ready to be on my face for the things that are going on around me.

I don't know what was different yesterday. I just know that normally, I feel guilty for not praying more. When someone mentions prayer, I immediately start making excuses in my mind...I have tons of children...a baby who barely sleeps...I'm tired...when is it ever quiet around here? Silly. No one can guilt someone else into praying more. If we're not praying it's because we do not fully understand its power, or really comprehend who it is we're getting the privilege to talk to when we pray.

No one would have to convince me to talk to Jack Black. I think he's so funny, that if he was on the phone and he wanted to talk to me, I would JUMP at the chance.

I didn't leave church feeling guilty. I left church realizing that if I'm not praying, I have something broken, in my brain about who God is. If I really got how wonderful and amazing the Lord is, no one would have to remind me to talk to Him.

I left that building needing to talk to God, to ask Him to fix me, to help me love Him better, to understand Him better. If my prayer life is weak, it is because I have a foundational, faith issue. If I believe God is who He says He is, and I'm really who God says I am, then I wouldn't need you or anyone else to tell me I should pray.

He's powerful. There is nothing He can't do.

I'm weak. I can't do anything of value...and yet, He's called me daughter...He delights in me and has given me unlimited access to His ear and His lap.

I want to see the people I love SAVED.

I want to see the people I love HEALED.

I want to see the people I love FREED.

I want to see the marriages of people I love RESTORED.

And right here...right here...I have a tool...a powerful, effective tool that abolishes strongholds and deception...PRAYER.

So I'm going to use it.

Yum

I'm just going to say it.

I love bacon.

I could eat my weight in it.

On the day that Hudson was born, I had been awake for what felt like 12 days.

I was so tired.

And yet, at the hospital, on a trip out to my car, I ended up walking behind a man...a cafeteria man.

That cafeteria man had a huge pan of bacon on a cart he was pulling behind him.

It was a tub the size of a sink.

The bacon was perfectly cooked...not too limp, but not too crisp.

I was right behind him.

I love bacon so much that I remember, in that moment telling God...

"I know that stealing is wrong. I know that I'm tired. I know that today is a special day. Even though it's dumb, I kind of think that if I stole on a day like today, it might jinks our whole adoption...and YET...so help me Lord, if this man walks away from this tub of bacon, even for a minute...like if he stops and talks to someone, or he stops and gets a drink from the water fountain...I will pick that tub of bacon up off his cart and run to my car with it. I will sit in my car and eat perfectly cooked bacon until I feel sick, and then when I'm too full to eat anymore, I'll just lick some of the pieces for awhile."

See.

I told you.

I love bacon.

Confessions and Brainstorms

Mark your calendar.

The very first Dangerous Boys Gathering will be on Saturday, February 7 from 12-2, location to be announced.

What's a Dangerous Boy Gathering?

Well...

That may not even be the name of it. There may be a secret name that has to be decoded using invisible ink.

We don't really know what to call what we're doing.

All we know is this...

Aaron wants our boys leaving this house one day knowing God's heart for them, how much He wants to use them to be leaders in their homes, churches and communities.

He also wants them to know how to do "man" things. Aaron's dad is terrific and taught him so much growing up. Aaron wants to pass down that legacy to our sons and will gladly share with you all the things he learned because his dad invited his sons along.

Aaron wants our boys to feel secure and confident and always willing, in humility, to learn something new.

So, we're going to be intentional about these things, since we've found that if we're not intentional, nothing happens.

We don't want to raise our kids on good intentions.

We want to actually teach them intentionally...on purpose.

And since we think everything is more fun with others, that's where you come in!

You're invited to the man events.

You have to be a male, but if you are, then grab your son, your nephew, your roommate, your Dad and come on!

Every time there is a man event, you will learn something new. It might be something important like how to use power tools, or it might be something even more important, like how to make the best paper airplane on earth.

You'll also hear from some other man who loves Jesus about being a leader, having self-control, and loving the Lord.

The best part of all is this:

Aaron feels STRONGLY that if a guy hasn't done (fill in the blank) by a certain age...and that could be, learn how to change oil, do a back flip on the trampoline, or learn how to take a fish off of a hook on a fishing pole, they will probably be too prideful and too afraid to learn later.

Instead of seeking out another man to teach them, those guys will hide...will avoid situations where that skill is needed.

Sad.

We don't want that.

At every single one of these events there is only one rule.

There will be absolutely NO making fun or teasing.

No one will be made fun of because they don't know how to do (whatever it is everyone is learning to do that day).

We've read To Own a Dragon. We know the statistics. We're well aware that there will be more men who come to these events who did NOT have hands on dads growing up than there will be men who DID have great dads.

What a great place to come, learn new things that are exciting for guys...and no matter how lame it sounds...NOT be made to fill like an idiot for not knowing how to do these things.

I know some guys are tearing up right now.

You don't have to admit it.

Here's what we need to know so we can plan these events this year and make them useful.

We've got the spiritual stuff covered. God is pretty specific about what He wants men to know from His Word. Thankfully we know some men who love the Lord, love His Word, and want to learn every day how to better love their wives, their children, their church and this world. We're going to ask these men to share with us what God has taught them.

Our hope is that our sons, and many others learn to have a heart of humility...a heart that loves learning, and is okay with admitting that there are always areas in their lives that need to be molded and shaped to look like Jesus. We want to raise sons who are quick to admit where they fall short...boys who are dependent on the Lord, who boast in Christ, and do not think more highly of themselves than they should.

But the every day stuff...here's what we need you to do:

We need you to think.

We need you to tell us the things you've always wished you knew how to do.

We need to know the things you've always wanted to learn, but have been too afraid to ask someone or admit that you are 25 and would feel nauseous if you had to try and help a stranded woman on the side of the road whose car is broken down because you have no idea how to use jumper cables...they scare you.

Guys...men...boys:

What have you always wanted to learn to do?

Women...wives:

What are the things you are SO GLAD your husband knows how to do that you think all men should know how to do?

You can comment anonymously.

But do comment and do be honest.

Then get ready to learn!

My Favorite New Find

This year, I made books through Blurb to give to my Dad and his wife, as well as Aaron's parents.

They turned out way better than I was expecting. I used the all black background option and wow...they look professionally made. I also signed up to receive emails from this company and for both books, I either got a code for $10 off or a code for free shipping. You've just got to love that.

I'm in the process of making Hudson's Life Book through Blurb and putting all my pictures from last year into these books. No more paper scrap booking!

I used to LOVE scrapbooking, but like lots of things, once you hit a certain amount of kids in your home, things change.

When I had fewer kids, I would scrap book and actually roll my enchiladas.

Now I make Blurb books and every rolled recipe I owned has been converted into something that is layered. Suddenly, enchiladas become "Mexican casserole" or sour cream chicken enchiladas have become "White cheesy casserole."

Enchiladas are to casseroles as scrap books are to Blurb.

How Awesome is This?

TONS of books from scholastic for $1!

Thanks for the heads up, Kaylene.

Happy New Year

(pictures below!)

Can you believe it's 2009?

I don't know why, but thinking about how it is 2009 made me think of Y2K.

Who stock piled water?

We did!

I was thinking of that stock pile.

It was in the "pantry" of our first home...a trailer.

I can't believe that was only 9 years ago.

What a different life we had back then.

We lived in a trailer.

I hated Aaron.

He thought I was the devil.

I think I might have been.

We were broke.

We had one baby.

Life is so different now.

Only 9 years later our home is overflowing with children, our marriage is sweet...in nine years we have seen so much grace and goodness from the Lord, it's overwhelming at times to think about it.

I hope your New Year is happy.

I don't make any real New Years resolutions.

My New Year begins in August, as I sit and make goals for the new school year.

I think goals are good, but unless they are motivated out of true convictions from the Lord, I've never had any success on my own making them happen.

I've never been able to will myself into exercising or losing weight.

It wasn't until I felt deeply convicted about being a good steward of my body so that it could be used to love the Lord and serve the people in my home that I began exercising.

It wasn't until I felt the Lord sweetly whispering..."You have no self-control when it comes to food, and that's silly since I'll give you some" that I lost the weight and kept it off.

By January, there's no point in saying, "This year, our life will be less busy and stressful and we'll truly enjoy one another."

For most of us, our schedule is set in September, and it would take some major readjusting to fix the problems now.

So, I don't have any New Year's resolutions, but I'm exciting about some "new" things in our life.

We are moving into our "new" home in a few weeks.



It's not new in real life...but it is new to us.

We were going to build, and then before we could start we found the most amazing home. But...if you are ever going to build, wow...you need to read all these wonderful suggestions from people who have been there, done that, and have some ideas that will revolutionize your home building experience!

In a few weeks, I'll meet a whole "new" group of 55 girls in the Her Hands class. They will be new to me, but not new to the Lord. He's known all along that those beautiful ladies would be sitting down together every Sunday night for a couple of hours to learn about His heart for them. A few things in my life make me tear up every single time I think about them. My "girls" are one of those things. Already I'm praying for God to do what only He can do...to break through the lies of this world, the deception and free girls from generational sins.

I'm excited about the "boy" events we're planning in the Spring. I love the idea of my sons being intentionally discipled by Aaron and so many other amazing Godly men.

Another "new" thing in our life is this....


My sister Ashlyn and her sweet baby girl, Riley are staying with us for awhile. For those of you who live here...I can't wait for you to meet them. Ash has been in school at SFA, but will be in school here this semester. I'm so proud of her.

I have loved having some girls in this house with me. The boy/girl ratio just got so much better around here! There has been lots of laughter. I think Ash is one of the funniest people I've ever met. She has cool boots too that she lets me borrow...I never want her to leave!

Our house is full...but it's fun...and we're so glad to have Riley and Ash here with us. I love all the pink, all the hairspray...and there are now a million pairs of leggings in all colors and sizes in this house. It makes me happy.

Aaron is kind of crazy about Riley. She simply has to pick which finger she'd like to have him wrapped around.

Look at em.

Aaron's heart has been stolen.

I love it.

We spent New Years in Brenham with my brother and Lynsey. Aaron's family went with us, so that was super fun. I love that Aaron's family loves and knows my brother and his family. That makes the holidays sweet.

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