Guest Post: Modesty

Although God commands us to be modest, God's Word is very different from a youth camp packet. It doesn't spell out all the details about clothing choices. Are tank tops okay? Blue jeans? Spaghetti straps? How short is too short? What about cleavage...

When God gives us a command but not many details that means we must rely on the Holy Spirit to convict each of us personally as we desire to please the Lord in all things. We must allow the whole of scripture to mold our thinking.
We must personally go to God, ask Him to teach us, to search our hearts and help us to live out the life He has for us in His commands. It's always helpful to remind myself that Jesus came to give us a rich and abundant life. As I seek Him about everything (modesty included) I can trust that He has my best in mind (and your best in mind).
Modesty lived out is going to look different for all of us. No person can fully define modesty for us as women. We must work through modesty "issues" with the Lord, asking for a teachable, humble heart. If we're married, we need to ask our husbands what they think and then rest in their leadership. If we're not married, it's probably still very honoring to parents for their daughters to ask their thoughts on modesty. God has given women the blessing of authority. Husbands and parents (and their thoughts on these matters) are truly gifts.
I asked my friend, Rachel to write about how God's Word has shaped her convictions about modesty, particularly as they relate to swimwear. We love Rachel and Sherman, share the same convictions that God desires for us to live modestly, but probably look different in the way those things are lived out.

Even if our same convictions may cause us to wear different clothes (or swimsuits) I am always blessed to hear how the Lord has shaped convictions in others. It's always encouraging to hear about the process the Lord brings people through in order to teach, guide and train His people. I wish all of you could know Rachel and Sherman. We are crazy blessed to hear their hearts on lots of things (not just modesty).
Below is Rachel's story for you to consider (her words are in a different color). I hope as believers we are all asking the Lord what it looks like to live out modesty as we worship God in all things. I pray we're not following the ways of the world blindly, but honestly going to God and asking Him to shape our wardrobe like He's shaping our souls in every other area.

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Hi everyone! I just wanted to thank Heather for challenging me to get these convictions of mine sorted out and into the open, so to speak. My hope here is to challenge you also to sort out and confirm your convictions about modesty, especially concerning swimwear. Thanks for reading!

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“And he said to the people, it is unwise and immodest to reveal more than one third of your skin.” 2 Opinions 3:5

Everyone is familiar with that verse, right? Yeah, I’m not either. It doesn’t exist. Even if the Bible did speak on the subject of modesty as clearly as it does on other issues, I think many would still bypass the Word to justify conformity. It happens all the time. Maybe that’s why God didn’t spell it out for us and left us to rely on our Spirit-led convictions. Personal conviction doesn’t give license to throw out the Bible, though. He may not have spelled it out, but He did give us what we need to know.

“For this commandment that I command you today is not too hard for you, neither is it far off. It is not in heaven, that you should say, ‘Who will ascend to heaven for us and bring it to us, that we may hear it and do it?’ Neither is it beyond the sea, that you should say, ‘Who will go over the sea for us and bring it to us,that we may hear it and do it?’ But the word is very near you. It is in your mouth and in your heart so that you can do it.” Deuteronomy 30:11-14 (emphasis mine)

He’s given us His Word so that we can do it!

If you’re being led by the Spirit, your convictions WILL line up with Scripture. Too often we are bent to take our freedom in Christ and try to conform it to our desires rather than let that freedom conform us. This manipulation makes us look more and more like the world, and less and less like Christ.

That’s what we’re trying to do, right? To imitate Christ in all areas of our life? Do we ask ourselves, “Does this honor my Savior and point people to him?” in every decision we make. I know I don’t. It’s a slow and steady process, this sanctification (NOT justification, that’s through Christ alone). It’s the process of looking less like the world and more like Christ, of not just making an outward change, but truly not wanting to look like the rest of the world, and truly wanting to look like Christ.

Believe it or not, modesty is a part of this process (remember, sanctification not justification). Modesty won’t make me any more of a follower of Christ, but it will help to set me apart from the world. So, what does modesty look like?

If she were a woman, she would be very beautiful. But not because of her clothes. She would be beautiful because of the Spirit at work in her.

“likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.” 1 Timothy 2:9-10

Modesty here is listed among “respectable apparel” and “self-control” and “good-works” as something that women should adorn themselves with. From this verse, I would submit that modesty is not an adverb, but a noun. Additionally, it’s not attained by putting on a certain type of clothing.

I’ll explain that a little better. I’ve said before, “I wouldn’t wear that, it’s too immodest (too short, too revealing, etc.)” In saying this, I’m focusing on a thing that isn’t modest, thinking that I will be made less modest if I wore it. While an article of clothing will make a person look less modest, it will not make a person look more modest. Modesty is something that we are supposed to “wear” all the time, regardless of our apparel. It’s very possible for a woman to wear very covering clothing but be completely without modesty. Modesty is an attitude and one of the ways it is practiced is through wearing clothes that honor the Lord, respect our body, and consider our brother.

Concerning (but not limited to) swimwear, here are a few verses and questions that I have had to consider on this journey:

“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:1-2

What is the pattern of this world concerning swimwear?

In short, the sexier you look and feel, the better. Yup. Enjoying the day at the pool with the kiddos has been reverted to looking sexy (hot, fine, good) while enjoying the day at the pool with the kiddos. The world has also taught us a couple slightly different sides to this thought: 1) To know I look good and want others to know I look good, too, and 2) Just knowing I look good is enough.

The obvious problem with the first thought is my concern for what others thought about me, and finding some sort of fulfillment in that. So what’s wrong with the second thought? We all want to look good, right?

Let’s go back to practicing modesty. In my desire to look good, do I honor the Lord? Do I respect my body? Do I consider my brother? I can’t honor the Lord with a selfish motivation, and I’m not respecting my body by turning it into a canvas for people to see how good I can look. Our brothers usually suffer too if we don’t consider them in our choices. We must acknowledge that no matter what our body type, it may tempt the opposite sex to sin. The tough question to consider when choosing my swimsuit then, is, “Do I look too good (cute, flattered, etc.)?”

I went through a season last summer of wanting a new swimsuit that was feminine and cute and modest according to the world’s standards. After a period of time, I realized that I would be going against a conviction the Lord had given me if I got one of the suits I had put into an online shopping basket several times. I just couldn’t justify that I would be honoring the Lord, respecting my body, or considering my brother. I was being selfish and wanted this un-revealing suit to make me feel and look a certain way.

“Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother.” Romans 14:5b, 13

While this verse reminds us that we each need to be fully convinced in our own mind about our convictions, it also leads us to not cause our brothers to sin. WAY more important than how good I can look in my swimsuit. And while it’s still very possible for a person who practices modesty completely to cause a brother to sin, what’s important is to “be fully convinced” that you are honoring the Lord, respecting your body, and considering your brother.

So, receiving our influence from Scripture and our motivation from an attitude of modesty, seeking sanctification, we are led to consider others before ourselves.

And since I like to really seal in what the Lord is working in my life with practical application, I ask more specific questions to help hold myself accountable to my convictions:

Am I comfortable wearing my swimsuit anywhere but the pool, in front of other people who aren’t swimming or also in swim wear? Does my spouse want others seeing me in this?

Many of us have convictions about tops, bottoms, and dresses that we will or won’t wear, but the line is blurred around swimwear. Honestly asking myself questions like these leads to me to consider if I’d really be comfortable wearing my swimsuit outside of a swimsuit setting, according to the convictions I have about the rest of my clothes.

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” Ephesians 5:21-22

And ALWAYS see what your spouse thinks! There were times that I would wear something that I would have never considered to be inappropriate, but because I look at myself like a woman and my husband looks at me like a man, he was able to lead me to see that my clothes were actually a stumbling block. And I certainly don’t want to attract the attention of any man other than my husband if I can help it! Sherman has been very helpful in my selection of what I wear to go swimming. He’s honest and affirms me that I look good. I might not look good according to the world’s eyes, but I look good to Sherman, and that’s all that matters.

For the men…

I can speak for Sherman, from his conviction about what his swimwear looks like, that he would feel exposed if he went swimming without a shirt on. It’s not a conviction he had until a couple years into our marriage, but it stuck after he realized he was the occasional object of another woman’s attention. It’s true that over the years men have received some license to go shirtless, but in the spirit of considering others, those shirt-less men can cause a lot of stumbling! I know I don’t want any other woman lusting after Sherman because he’s not wearing a shirt. And he doesn’t want any other women noticing him either. Just something for you to consider!

So, what does that leave us with? Looking like tan-less grandma when going to the pool? Not hardly! I feel so cute and comfortable in my swimwear because I know it pleases the Lord and my husband. Also, some areas of my body will never be seen by anyone but Sherman, and he doesn’t care if they’re the color of vanilla pudding. I can say this with confidence because I know that modesty is not in my swimsuit, but in my attitude. If my motivation is based on anything outside of Scripture, I’m not being modest. I can still feel cute because my cuteness doesn’t have to be determined by the perfect swimsuit!

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I'm very thankful that Rachel took the time to share her journey and her heart with us. I pray we are asking God similar questions and longing to pursue modesty, going to God (and our spouse/parents) to help us to know how God's Word then determines what hangs in our closets.

The challenge will always be learning to live out our own convictions without imposing our convictions about less clear things in scripture on others. I pray we hear from God, live out our convictions joyfully, and then are okay when others around us wear clothing we do not wear, or vice-versa. May we be fully convinced in our own minds. That's the key. I pray as women, we want to be right with God and under the headship of our own husbands, and we rest in those things instead of blindly taking on someone else's convictions and making them our own.

As we look for swimsuits this season, maybe Lime Ricki will be a place that you can shop and still live out your own personal convictions about modesty. Maybe not. I pray that we are all fully convinced in our own minds, and then live out those convictions joyfully no matter what we end up wearing to the swimming pool this summer. Living out our convictions joyfully, knowing our hearts are right with the Lord and those hearts are reflected in our swimwear means hanging out at the pool becomes an act of worship. What freedom!

If you are working through modesty issues, here's something I wrote about my own journey. I pray it encourages you as you go to God and His Word.