Packing According to Conviction

The next few posts will be a little odd, but it's what is going on in my soul.  I have a very hard time being a phony. It is difficult for me to write about things that are less important when bigger things are on center stage in my life.  I hope you can bear with me.

Trying to decide what to take to Haiti and how to live out our convictions about shopping and stewardship once we get there have been hard to think through.

Prior to the nudging in our hearts to move to Haiti, we had already been on a journey as a family to shop, eat,  and live in a way where we considered the poor and were good stewards of the earth and our bodies.  We were not doing those things perfectly (like nowhere near perfect, and I'm not even sure what "perfect" looks like).  But we were on a journey.

Slowly, we were learning to be better stewards of our bodies by exercising regularly and eating foods as close to the way God made them as possible.  Very little processing.  Organic when available.  Growing as much of our own food as we could.  Asking God to grow us in humility as we look at His creation and agree with Him when He says, "It's good" just the way He created it.  Suddenly eating and exercise (things we used to not think much about) became very spiritual to us as we admitted a lot of arrogance in our life.  At one point we were very comfortable eating foods that were processed, putting things in our bodies that contained man-made chemicals instead of fueling our bodies with the foods God created.  We'd pass up whole foods and grab processed foods.  We'd reach for what man had made, instead of being grateful for what God has created.

Like I said, suddenly eating became very spiritual to us.  An act of worship.  Not worship of self, as some are prone to do when they begin to eat healthy, but worship of God, desiring to have a large view of God and a small view of man in every area of our life. 

The same has been true for stewardship of the earth.  We were learning to buy less, waste less, recycle, compost, garden, use less energy, enjoy nature, spend time outside, be content with less, and ultimately make less trash.  Not because we desire to worship the earth, but because we desire to worship the God who made the earth and honor Him in the way we treat this planet He has generously given us to use.

Let me interrupt myself and say again...we were not doing these things perfectly.  God was gently convicting us of all these new things and we were slowly learning to obey Him.  As I share this, I'm afraid that anyone would think we were superstars at living out our convictions (or worse, that we're trying to impose our convictions on others).  All that to say...we were on a journey.  Baby step by baby step our heart's desire was to honor God and let Him transform the way we see ourselves, others and this earth.

Shopping and learning about fair trade was another giant epiphany for us as a family.  We have been convinced by scripture that people who love Jesus are supposed to care for the poor.  We're to advocate for them, fight for justice, and Jesus has very strong words for people who participate in oppressing the poor.

When you begin to ask simple questions, like "Where did the shirt I'm wearing come from?" things start to get a little scary.  The short answer might be, "This shirt came from Wal-Mart."  The long answer might look more like, "But Wal-Mart bought it at a very low price from a sweat shop in Cambodia where children are sold into slavery, treated terribly, and kept there until they are old enough to be trafficked into the sex industry all so Wal-Mart can offer roll-back prices like the American public demands."  I remember the day it hit me...my shopping list, the items on it and the stores where I shop may be causing me to harm the poor.
Suddenly trying to always buy the cheapest item or be the most frugal wife no longer sounded much like worship to me.  Plain and simple, as a believer there may be times when I have to spend more on items to ensure that I'm not oppressing the poor or harming them with my spending (which may also mean I have to drastically change the way I live and cut back in other areas).

I'm going to elaborate on these subjects this week, but for now all I'm trying to say is we were already on a life-altering journey before we decided to pack our life up and literally go on a life altering journey to Haiti.

In no way do I feel like God is asking us to go to Haiti to live out our convictions to care for the poor and care for the orphan and abandon all the things He had been teaching us about the way we shop, the way we take care of our bodies and the way we care for the earth.   However, trying to figure out how to do those things and honor God on our way to Haiti and once we get there is totally freaking me out.  I know it shouldn't be, but it is.

It's getting close to the time when we have to pack up our stuff.  I've been making lists of things I think we'll need in Haiti.  Since we'll have to buy a lot of items before we leave, it has been tempting lately to run down to Wal-Mart and load  up even though that violates my conscious in so many ways.  I need to take all our clothes for the year.  I need to take lightweight kitchen items, dishes that don't break, but also don't leach toxins into our bodies.  Pop up, mesh laundry baskets.  Things that are not bulky (for traveling) but that I can use to organize our home in Haiti.

I'm struggling to figure out how to live in Haiti.  How do I live out our convictions to eat healthy, care for the earth and shop in a way that does good, not evil in a country where that seems impossible?  Eating processed foods (for me) means I'm not honoring God by taking care of my body.  It means I'm not caring for the poor (the food industry is the reason for lots and lots of oppression of the poor, especially in farming and meat production).


Is this making sense to anyone?  You don't have to agree with what I'm saying, feel the same way, or share the same convictions, but hopefully what I'm struggling with lately is making sense.

Here's the short list of what's freaking me out at the moment:

The plethora of processed food at the grocery store near where we will be living.  I didn't see one item that was organic.  I don't feel comfortable moving to Haiti to live out our convictions to care for the poor and the orphan and then totally forgetting our convictions about being good stewards of our bodies, and blessing (not oppressing) the poor with our spending.

Trying to figure out how to keep mosquitos off my kids without dousing them in deet every day.  Is it weird to pray that God would give me an answer for keeping malaria away from my children without spraying them with cancer every day?  Well if it's weird, then I'm weird cause I'm begging God to show me how to do this in a more natural way.

Trying to figure out how to buy the things we need in Haiti before we leave without being worldly, greedy, discontent and violating our conscious by shopping at stores where we feel it's wrong for us to shop.  Normally I take my time.  If I can't buy something in a way that doesn't oppress the poor, I have been learning to wait or go without.  Well....the clock is ticking.  I've got to do almost all of our shopping for the year in the next month.

If God had not turned us into such flippin' weirdos before He asked us to go to Haiti, my word, this would be so much easier.  But today I'm frustrated.  I want to throw my hands in the air and not buy anything, but I know that's totally stupid.  I know the answer is NOT to throw out everything God has taught us because we're leaving for Haiti where we'll be going to live out our convictions to care for the poor.  It's tempting to think what we're doing is so big and cool that all our other convictions are suddenly less important.  Super stupid.  All of life is spiritual.  Every speck of it.

Today I'm asking God to give me wisdom, strength, favor and good deals as I tackle this long list of stuff to purchase before we go.

I'm also asking Him to help me trust Him.  As usual, I'm flopping at it right now.  Surely He's going to show us how to live out all our convictions as we go to Haiti and once we get there right?  I mean, not perfectly, because we're a bunch of idiots over here a lot of the time, but surely the journey will continue right?   Right?

This world is broken, and it will never not be until Christ makes it right again.  I know that.  But as people who love Jesus, how can we not long for "thy kingdom come, thy will on earth be done as it is in heaven?"  It's in those moments when we see glimpses of what God's kingdom is like that bring rejoicing, and in other moments when we see our wretchedness as we desire a broken system over a heavenly one. As God has pricked our heart in all these different areas and we've slowly made changes, we have been delighted by all that we've learned, and that buying (or not buying) certain items causes us to remember the Lord, to acknowledge Him as good and right and to love our neighbors as we love ourselves even if they live across the ocean.  This journey has been a sweet one and I guess I'm just lacking faith to truly believe that God will continue to help us live these things out and continue to teach us more about them in a new place.