Sent

For the last two months I have imagined this scene in my mind...

Our friends, sitting around our dining room table...laughing...teasing each other....

The conversation inevitably turns to the Hendricks and all their weird, wild ideas.  Eventually someone (probably Ryan) says to us, "Remember that time you guys almost moved to Haiti?"  Everyone pauses...and then we all start pee-your pants laughing.


A couple months ago, I totally thought that's how this thing would roll out.

Obviously, it's hard for me to believe this move is actually happening.  With every new step, it has begun to feel more and more like reality.  Loading up the trailer with our stuff this week made it feel real.  Packing Aaron's bags made it feel real.  Doing a test run to make sure all of the remaining items left behind will fit in our duffels...that felt real.

Walking into church last night...a room filled with people from out of town, people from our church and people we have loved in our community for years and years...well..."real" sort of slapped me in the face.

I started crying in the parking lot.

If anyone touched me...it got worse.  I don't know what it is about human touch, but it does something strange.  If someone hugged me, it was hard to breathe.  There were times when I thought I might lock myself in the janitor's closet, curl up and ugly cry.  There were times I wish someone would have slipped me a margarita.

Watching Aaron lead worship for the last time...seeing him struggle, emotionally at certain points...seeing his tears...the reality of this move reduced me to total wreckage.

Last night was beautiful.  We are so grateful to be leaving well.  To be leaving a church that is healthy and strong.  To be leaving a body so loving, gracious and kind.  To be leaving, but to not feel forsaken or pushed out...simply sent...leaving behind a group of people who are excited about what God will do through us and through them in Haiti.  Excited about what Haiti will teach each one of us.

I can't remember our pastor's exact words, but he reminded us all that sending people away is painful.  It's okay to grieve.  It's okay to hurt when you say good-bye.  We're still called to go, and people have to leave sometimes for the sake of God's kingdom...but it hurts.  It reduces a room full of people to snotty messes.

Two things struck me deepest last night.

I was reminded over and over again by the people who came to say good-bye...through their sweet words...their tears...the long hugs...that God is gracious.  He has given us the sweetest community.  He has used broken people to impact the lives of others.  Sometimes those broken people were us...most of the time they were broken people who touched our lives.  But we are all connected, our stories intertwined.  The body of Christ, in all its mysterious beauty was on display for everyone to see last night.  It was a great reminder of all that God can do through the lives of broken, sinful people.

I was also moved by Aaron's heart and his leadership throughout this move.  What we are doing seems crazy to me.  I've oftentimes been terribly disrespectful of Aaron.  I've doubted him.  I've doubted his motives.  Asking me to move to Haiti has brought out all sorts of ugliness...brought it up to the surface.  I've said nasty things.  Until this move, I thought lots of these yucky behaviors and sinful attitudes were behind me...dealt with...not a part of who I was anymore.  Haiti...all the fear involved in taking my children to this foreign place stirred up a lot of junk in my soul that I wasn't even aware existed.

Maybe one day I'll write more about what a struggle it has been to follow Aaron to this new place.  But for now, let's just leave it at...it hasn't been pretty working through this move to Haiti, and I have not followed Aaron easily.  I've been disrespectful and my fear led me to say a lot of hurtful things.  Not to mention the times I flat out acted like a big fat baby.

Last night as Aaron was leading his last few songs...it was so moving...God's presence was in that place...the room was worshiping, and yet many were grieving...hurting with our family because they knew what this evening meant.  They knew how hard it would be for Aaron to walk off that stage.  To hug the musicians.  For him to say good-bye to something that is so a part of who he is...it would be like saying good-bye to your arm.  I sat watching him and was touched by his selflessness.  He's broken and flawed and can be as selfish as the next person, so he would be super irritated with me if I tried to make it sound like he's perfect...no one get that impression.

I'm just saying that I was touched by all that Aaron was giving up.  I was moved that he had led our family so firmly and patiently as we all freaked out in different moments along the way.  I was in awe of a God who has taught Aaron how to lead a houseful of sinful, selfish people...how to lead a wife filled with fear...how to remind us of what it looks like to let go of everything we know that is good and lovely and trust that God will never leave us or forsake us...never.

I just wanted to publicly thank New Life and our leaders (Allen, Jason and Rusty). We could never describe how loved we felt last night.  How "sent" we feel.  How "in this" we know you are as we "go." All that crying and sobbing means God has done something miraculous...connected people...bonded them...made them family.

It was a beautiful night.  For many reasons I felt God used this service to heal some things that have been hurting and broken in my heart.

New Life (and the guests who came)...you have loved us well.  Each one of us.  Every child.  Aaron.  Me.  We are grateful.  God's grace towards us is felt through your love and care for us.  Thank you for sending our family off well...for being used by God to lavish His sweet love upon us.

We rest in knowing that it is God who makes community.  It is God who speaks through His Word.  It is God who leads people to unashamed, honest worship.  It is God who equips His church.  It is God who sends people out among the nations to share the gospel in word and in deed.  Nothing has ended.  All that God has ever done will continue at New Life and in Haiti not because of man's efforts...but because God is good and is always at work.

We love you New Life.

----All us Hendricks

P.S.Hayden tattooed a mustache on his face the night before church.  As annoying as that was, it was also perfect.  Looking at him through my rear-view mirror while driving to church I thought to myself..."This is the way we should go out...totally real, weird, and honest."  I've talked to Hayden about easing into his weirdness when we get to Haiti and meet new people.  I don't know if he will, but I suggested that he only let his crazy out in small doses at first.  We'll see.