Friday Photos - Driving and Soccer Begins

Last week we went to a store that sells both furniture and motorcycles.

Normally a post about two totally unrelated events would be a mistake in the world of writing.  Since I live in Haiti, a post about two completely different ideas is a way I've decided to celebrate the culture.

When in Rome Haiti...

Recently Aaron drove for the first time since we've been in Haiti.  Driving in Haiti is well...hmmm...terrifying.

We got home without Aaron wrecking the car, killing us, or killing someone walking on the street.  Any time you come home and everyone is alive you have to pause and thank God.  A miracle has happened.

Driving in Haiti totally stresses me out, another reason I'm not sure if I'm made for this long-term.  Have I mentioned that Haiti has a way of stretching you in every single way?  Haiti is a meddler of sorts.  She's that annoying relative that won't let anything rest.  She sees a flaw and instead of politely ignoring it she obnoxiously points it out.

I remember when I was getting boobs.  I'm surprised I remember it, because like most women I have worked very hard to mentally block that awkward season in my life out of my brain.  I've tried to stick that scene where puberty hits behind layers and layers of brick and mortar.

I do remember the boobs sprouting.  I didn't want to wear a bra because they are itchy.  So my solution...baggy shirts.  Puberty turned this white girl from a nice little neighborhood into a wanna be gansta.

Puberty...that terrible time that's a lot like being 5 months pregnant with your first baby.  Too fat to wear your jeans.  Too thin to wear maternity clothes...but puberty lasts a lot longer.  When I see junior high girls (and I see them every day on campus) I want to hug them tight and whisper in their ear..."It will end one day.  I swear.  It's going to get better."
 
Right in the thickest part of puberty, I remember walking into my grandmother's kitchen, all clumsy, chewing braces, sporting my acne, wearing a large coat to cover up my newly acquired mole hills.  A family member called me over to her, took her hands and opened my over sized coat.  Loudly she said something like, "Look at you...Heather...you are getting boobs!"  All heads turned.  All eyes were on me.  Even the man eyes.

Death

I wanted to die.  If the Grim Reaper had walked into the room I would have jumped on his back, spurred him in the ribs, and gladly ridden him out of that kitchen.

Haiti makes me feel like I'm in that kitchen all over again.  Haiti won't leave anything alone in my life or let even one thing simply "be."  Things about myself that I want to cover up with a big fat jacket are yanked open.  Aunt Haiti calls attention to those things and says, "We must talk about this.  You must think about it.  Let's have a loud chat about those weird things growing on your chest.  Come on.  Lift up your shirt.  Let's see 'em."

Having an internal melt down about every part of normal life here is embarrassing and makes me feel self conscious.  I want to hide the fact that something is going on under my jacket.  I want those things to disappear and go away, or finally get used to them. The mole hill stage of my life in Haiti is frustrating and emotional.

Even the most mundane things cause me to have to come face to face with fear in this country.  Eating?  We could get parasites.  Washing dishes?  We could get parasites.  My kids playing outside?  They could get bitten by a mosquito and get malaria.  Driving?  We could all die. With each thing there's a big ta-do, a freak out moment...a dramatic, embarrassing scene in my soul.

Driving has been one of those things that seems so easy, yet it has caused an eruption of worry and conversations with Jesus.

We don't drive around much, but when we do Hudson is usually always in a car seat.  However, the rest of us have been known to pile into the back of a pick up truck.  Makes me a freaked out wreck the entire time we're driving.

I know people have their own thoughts about doing something like sticking your children in a car without seat belts, or worse...doing what we've had to do a few times...letting the older boys sit in the back of the truck with us.


Normal people from the States would be appalled.

A lot of gung-ho-I'm totally-wired-to-be-a-missionary missionaries think nothing of it and seem to brag about how fearless they are.  I'm sure they don't mean it to sound like bragging.  I'm probably way more sensitive to this than I need to be because honestly, it does not take much to make me wonder if we should be here or if I'm cut out to do something like live in Haiti.

I know it sounds like such a simple thing...driving.  It's incredible how something so simple has given me such a headache as I ask God to search my heart about this issue.  Am I being faithless?  Do I not trust that God is in control of vehicles and drivers?  Is wearing a seat belt in a country where it's not illegal not to wear one still a good idea?  Does it mean I don't trust God, or does it mean I value life and am using my brain?  How does God's sovereignty and faithfulness translate into driving in this country where safe cars stuffed with surround sound airbags do not exist?  Seat belts are not always available.  

I'm well aware that a lot of Americans are freaked out about way too much.  We don't want to do anything that has the slightest hint of danger to it, even if that means never considering whether or not God may want to do something crazy with our lives and write a chapter full of danger and situations where we have to trust the Lord and rest in His sovereignty and protection to simply make it through the day.

Throw a family in the mix and all of a sudden, the average, American, Christian  family will even go so far as to say it's wrong or irresponsible for other believers to take their kids to some place like, let's say...Haiti.  Even if they don't come all the way out and say "You're being irresponsible," or "What you're doing is wrong" they have other ways of getting their point across.  We could call those "other ways of saying what they are trying to say" being more tactful, or we could call those other ways being a big fat weiner who isn't brave enough to say what they mean and instead saying absurd things like..."That's so great you guys are going to Haiti, but I love my kids so much I could never put them in a situation like that."

Nice people would let that slide.  We on the other hand say, "Well, maybe God is calling us to Haiti because we don't like our kids.  This all makes sense now."

All that to say...I don't want to be American in the way I think about following Jesus.  I want our family to live for God's Kingdom...to seek it first.  I want to wake up every morning aware that this earth is not going to last forever.  I want us to imitate Jesus in the way He loved and lived.  I don't want to run from suffering and danger.  If we have to suffer and we have to live in danger to share the gospel, to feed the poor, to love the orphan and give a voice to the voiceless and the oppressed...then bring it I guess.  I say that sheepishly, but I truly want to be able to say it boldly.

I'd even go so far to say it may have been more dangerous and more difficult in the States to keep our children from being spiritually deceived than it is here in Haiti.  I'm not saying it would have been impossible.  I'm saying it would have been very difficult to keep American Christianity and false ideas about the gospel away from my children.  Living in the suburbs of America was probably a lot safer when it came to crime, disease, and natural disasters.  Living in Haiti I confess I'm fearful of things that can harm them physically.  When we lived in the States, and if we move back, I'd be fearful of what can harm our kid's souls.  I would beg God for discernment and open eyes to point out the American Jesus that gets taught and worshiped in the US.

In lots of ways I want Haiti to erase the American parts of me that are faithless.  I want God to use Haiti to remove those larges chunks of me that are so eager to stick Jesus in a cardboard box or paint him up and make Him something that He is not.  But when it comes to sticking my kids in a car without seatbelts or throwing them in the back of a pick up truck in Haiti...

I hate it.  Hate it.

People can go on and on till their mouth falls off talking about how "Ya just have to trust God." I've heard people say that it's not as dangerous driving in Haiti in the back of a pick up truck because the traffic never moves very quickly.  That's not even true.  Yes, the traffic is usually very slow.  But lots of times it's not slow.

One time we were driving around our neighborhood in College Station.  We were going from garage sale to garage sale.  We'd jump in the car and head to one right after the other in our lazy little subdivision.  The kids were thrilled that we were not making them wear their seat belts between each garage sale we visited.  We never got on a main road.  We rarely even saw another car.  The kids felt like such rebels.  They loved it.

We were coasting....and I mean coasting....like probably going all of 8 miles per hour down a small street.  We saw a car backing out of a driveway a few houses down from us.  Aaron kept driving really slowly thinking the car would see us.  At the last moment it became apparent that the car was not paying attention and Aaron had to slam on the brakes.  We were barely moving to begin with, but once the brakes were hit Hayden came flying into the front of the Expedition, slamming his face on the arm rest, busting out his front tooth.  Blood everywhere.  We felt horrible for him and that we'd allowed that to happen as his parents.

So gung ho missionary types can say whatever they want to say about how safe it is to ride without seat belts or throw your kids in the back of a truck...I don't see myself ever feeling like that's a responsible choice.  Yes, the traffic moves a little slower here.  However, if we did get in a wreck and we were severely injured, unlike America Haiti doesn't have a state of the art hospital on every corner.  Life flight?  That makes me laugh.  EMT?  Fire Department with trained paramedics?  About to pee my pants I'm laughing so hard.

I want to value life.  I also want to recognize that God is in control of all things.  Weird how something like "driving in Haiti" causes those two ideas to get in a fight and beat the crap out of each other.

The moral of this story?

I like to stay home as much as possible or walk in Haiti.  Every once in awhile it's inevitable...we have to take the kids with us where we're going and they have to be in a situation that I think is irresponsible and wrong of us as parents to put them in.  I feel nervous and a little sick the entire time we're driving around.  Aaron is working on learning to drive in this new place.  Once he can drive there are cars at the school we can "check out."  They have enough seats for us and seat belts.

This doesn't mean that seat belts and the right proportion of seats to people will keep us safe on the roads in Haiti.  However, if something did happen I think it would keep me from wanting to die for being such a delbert by not having our kids in seat belts in a country with limited hospitals and driving situations that are so chaotic I have no words to explain them.

Now you know what I'm thinking every single time I get in a car in Haiti and why I usually need to lay down for a little bit when we get home.

See what I mean?  In the US driving in a car rarely made me think of Jesus and faith and how much I really believe God is who He says He is.  Every moment in Haiti is an adventure that causes a crisis of faith at every turn.  Sometimes it's exciting to see what I really believe.  My actions always prove what's in my heart.  Sometimes seeing what you really believe, instead of just hearing yourself say what you believe is hard and difficult and sad.

It makes me need a nap in the middle of the day.

How about a lighter topic?  Soccer.

The three school-age kids have started playing soccer after school.  They love it.

Little brother has resumed his role as soccer mascot.  He does what he does best...looks cute on the sidelines and....

putting "hats" on his brothers.